Outside Help

July 2, 2012

Today I had an appointment with a Christian counselor that I sought out for help in managing my anxiety and worry throughout this very emotional process of IVF. I made an appointment with her because I feel that there are days where I do not handle my anxiety in a healthy way. In a previous post, I mentioned that my way of coping is by doing an unbelievable amount of research on any symptom or issue that I am experiencing during this process. There are times that research can give me a temporary sense of relief, but there are also times that it can scare me to death! I'm pretty sure it's not something I should really be doing all the time.

When I arrived at the counselor's office, she began asking why I was seeking help. I explained to her how stressed I stay throughout the process of infertility and that I just needed an "outside" opinion about how I need to handle all the emotions that are involved. The session was very emotional, but I got some really great advice.

The counselor recommended that every time I feel my anxiety building that instead of researching I should find a scripture to stand on instead. This sounds great in theory, but I know I'm going to have a hard time doing this. She also recommended that when I begin to feel anxious, just pray about whatever is on my mind. If that means I have to pray 30 times a day, then I need to pray 30 times a day. I know I can do this because I have already been praying about every detail of this process for months now. She also told me to take one day at a time and not to think too far into the future because it can be overwhelming. She is right. I tend to think out every possible scenario that could take place between point A and point B, and by the time I find solutions to every scenario, I feel absolutely overwhelmed and depressed.

Later this evening I went to my grandmother's house to spend time with her and Kayla. On Monday nights, we always watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette together. We also share things that we are experiencing throughout the week. I brought up the fact that I am having a VERY difficult time with trusting God during this process. Both my grandmother and Kayla gave me encouraging words and advice that made me feel better when I left.

When I arrived home after visiting with my grandmother, I received a text message from Kayla. The text said that God had given her a scripture for me. It was Romans 8:26-28: "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray it doesn't matter. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives is worked into something good." She had not looked in the glossary in the back of the bible for verses pertaining to pregnancy. It was just a scripture that God laid upon her heart. A promise to me.

I felt a little more at peace before I went to sleep tonight.