Up Again on the Roller Coaster

July 1, 2012

Yes, this is my second post of the day. Like I said, I am an emotional roller coaster, so some days are more eventful than others. This happens to be one of them. Earlier this morning I confessed to POAS (peeing on a stick) way too early in my IVF cycle. It was negative, and I was convinced that this cycle was doomed. I called my mom in complete hysteria about how it was over. I am 5dp5dt (5 days post 5 day transfer). That means that it has been five days since they transferred our 5-day-old embryos back into my uterus.

Since the transfer, I have done nothing but research IVF success/failure stories online. I've read just about every blog and joined all sorts of online infertility support groups. This is my way of coping. I research. Through all my research, I discovered that many women going through infertility treatments also have a POAS addiction like mine. They can't wait to see if maybe, just maybe they might see a positive. I also discovered that many women began to get very very faint positives using FRER (First Response Early Results) pregnancy tests on 4dp5dt, 5dp5dt, and 6dp5dt. With this newfound knowledge, I couldn't resist the stick. Yesterday at 4dp5dt I thought I saw just the slightest hint of a second line on the test. I couldn't be sure that my mind wasn't playing tricks on me.

This morning I woke up at 4:00 needing to use the bathroom. That's convenient since I now have this POAS addiction. I decided to test again to see if the line had become darker. It had not. It was stark white-hence the meltdown that can be read about in my previous blog post.

Later on this morning, I must confess that I was once again tempted by those evil sticks that are lurking in my bathroom. This time, I decided to get a disposable cup to pee into so that I could try dipping the stick instead of peeing on it. I thought maybe this approach would somehow yield a different result, and to my complete amazement, IT DID! I again saw a very faint second line in the test window! Could it be?

I called my husband to tell him to hurry home so he could confirm my findings. He indeed spotted the faint second line in the test window. We are pregnant! I'm not crazy after all!  I called my mom back to inform her of the turn of events, and she said that she and my dad had been praying nonstop since my first call earlier in the morning. God indeed heard their prayers along with my desperate pleas.

The second I saw that coveted second line, I immediately began praising Jesus. Words cannot express how ecstatic I am. Am I still cautious and anxious about our growing baby/babies? Without a doubt, yes. But this is the closest we've been to being pregnant in SO LONG. I am so grateful.

After the overly dramatic morning I had, I went to my parents house for a family gathering. We had a lot of family come into town this weekend for a visit. It was nice to get out of the house and have something else to think about besides pee, sticks, and little pink lines!!!

Once I got home, I must admit that I once again POAS just to make sure that this morning wasn't a fluke. The second line has become just a tad darker and it came up immediately. I'm definitely preggers! I can't wait until Thursday to have it confirmed, and then I won't be able to wait for that first sonogram. But for the time being, I am going to enjoy finally being pregnant.