Transfer Day is HERE!

June 26, 2012

Today is our 2 year anniversary. It is also the day of our embryo transfer. Is this a coincidence? Maybe so, but I don't think it is. Anyone who has gone through infertility will tell you about the importance of dates. We all have dates that are forever burned into our memories-some of those are good, some of those are not. My hopes are that this day will be one that we remember for TWO good reasons-our anniversary and the day that we finally conceived our first child.

This morning I woke up well before my alarm sounded for me to get up. I fixed a cup of coffee and tried to have a "peaceful" morning while watching the TODAY Show.  I don't know how much peace I really had, but at least I tried.

Speaking of peace, since I was having such a difficult time obtaining it, I Googled "scriptures about anxiety" while I was sipping on my coffee. The one that continued to pop up was Philippians 4:6-7. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I decided to stand firmly on these words today. I presented my requests to God, and I prayed that His peace would guard my heart and mind throughout today and the next few weeks.

After my cup of coffee, I proceeded to get ready for our drive to Bedford. We left Seymour around 9:00 after stopping for donuts and drinks for breakfast (I know, real healthy). Along the way, I think I drove Justin crazy by asking him whether he was excited and how he felt about today. Anyone who knows my husband knows that he is not the most expressive person (to say the least). It's funny how God can put together two completely opposite people. I am probably overly expressive and emotional, while Justin remains cool, calm, and collected at all times. I guess that's good that we're opposites because two highly anxious people would probably not be a good combination. Even though I know this information about ourselves, it can really offend me when he doesn't show excitement how I do.

As we were approaching Bedford, we got caught up in a horrific traffic jam. The construction around this area is horrendous. This added to my level of anxiety because I feared being late to our appointment-which we were. Thankfully, my physician had prescribed 2 valium tablets for me to take about 30-45 minutes prior to the embryo transfer. They kicked in shortly after we got caught in the traffic jam. This eased the tension in the car-which my husband was greatly thankful for.

Once we FINALLY arrived at the clinic, they quickly took us back to meet with the embryologist to discuss the development of our embryos. This was one of the moments that I had specifically been in prayer for in the past few weeks. I had been praying that we would have at least one "high quality" embryo to transfer. The embryologist brought us pictures of our developing embryos along with their grades. We had 2 grade 5AA embryos!!! That's the best grade you can receive on a 5 day embryo at our clinic! We also had 12 other embryos that were good enough quality to freeze for later use. Below is a picture of the 2 5AA embryos:

Since we had such great quality embryos, both the embryologist and our doctor highly recommended only transferring one of the 5AA embryos. They warned that our chances of conceiving twins would be greater than 50% by transferring two. We still went with two for a few reasons: First, I have no desire to go through this process again anytime soon. Second, I start school in less than 2 months and I do not need to be taking off work all the time for these treatments. The risk of having twins is totally fine with me. They also warned that triplets and quadruplets were possible. For example, if both embryos implant and just one splits to form identical twins, you would end up with triplets (about a 5% chance of this happening). If both embryos implant and both split to form two sets of identical twins, you end up with quadruplets (this has happened only once in 11 years there). I feel comfortable with our decision.

After talking with the embryologist, we were taken to a room where Dr. Kevin Doody would perform the embryo transfer. They used a sonogram machine to guide a catheter into my uterus. Then they called the lab to bring in our two embryos for transfer. We watched the sonogram screen as our little babies were transferred into my uterus...pretty cool!

I had to remain lying down (with a full bladder...OUCH!) for about 20 minutes post transfer. After our time was up, we were free to leave the clinic. Justin and I decided to go eat at Abuelo's for lunch to celebrate our transfer and anniversary. I took it easy for the rest of the day, but no bed rest is required.

I will be anxiously awaiting our first pregnancy test on Thursday, July 5. I better find some things to do to keep my mind busy!!!

Day Before Transfer

June 25, 2012

This morning I woke up feeling quite a bit better than I have the previous few days. Since I felt so well, I decided to go to the school (where I work) and take care of a few things that needed to be done. I'm not currently having to work since school is out for the summer, but I have taken a new teaching position this year, so I need to do a lot of preparing for the upcoming year. I will be teaching Chemistry, IPC, and another high school science class that is basically formed for students who did not pass their TAKS Science Test last year. My new job in combination with my infertility stress gives me plenty to worry about.

After I left the school, I drove to Wichita Falls to have lunch with Megan Couch to celebrate her recent engagement. I am so happy for her! Kennedy (her daughter) chose for us to eat at Samarai of Tokyo. It was great getting to catch up with her. While we were eating, she received more good news-a new job that would require her to work less hours for the same pay. We now had two reasons to celebrate! I'm hoping in a few weeks we will be celebrating one more piece of exciting news (my pregnancy!).

I returned home early in the afternoon and started to feel bad again. I decided to take a nap in hopes that I could sleep off my discomfort.

Justin arrived home around midnight from Morton so that we can drive to Bedford tomorrow morning for our embryo transfer. I am hoping that I will get some sleep tonight. I can't quit thinking about what lies ahead of us tomorrow. I'm so excited, yet so scared at the same time. I like to call this "managing expectations". I want to be excited for the possibility of our first child but yet I want to be prepared in case the news is less than optimal.

Even though I'm "managing my expectations", I still can't help but to feel like this is going to be it for us! I can't wait to see what is ahead!

Egg Retrieval Sucks

June 24, 2012

 This morning I got up and got ready to go to church. I still felt terrible, but I decided I wasn't going to let Satan keep me from going since he already caused me to miss the women's conference on Saturday. I can't believe my doctors did not explain to me how miserable I would feel after the egg retrieval. I was completely blindsided!

 Church was wonderful, but I had a difficult time focusing because I felt so badly. I left church immediately after it was over to go home and try to rest. Justin came home late last night, so today I asked him to go get more Gatorade and some protein bars from the grocery store for me.I was so desperate for relief that I drank over 2 quarts of Gatorade, 2 glasses of V8, ate Campbell's chicken noodle soup (because of the sodium content), and ate 2 1/2 protein bars. Still miserable! My mom called to check on me later this afternoon and I just cried and cried on the phone about how miserable I feel. I told her I didn't think I could go through this again if it doesn't work this time. I told Justin the same thing later this evening during another meltdown.

 Later this evening Justin and I went to visit his parents and to check on his dad. We try to visit them as much as possible to make sure they are doing ok. Justin's dad is going through chemotherapy and radiation right now for lung cancer. Visiting with them made me realize that my pain is probably so insignificant in comparison to what his father is experiencing. It gave me motivation to continue on and to do everything we can to give him a grandchild. I can do this!

OHSS Scare

June 23, 2012

 Today I decided to drive back to Bedford for a check up since I am so bloated and miserable from the egg retrieval. I need peace of mind that I'm not developing OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) since I'm experiencing many of the symptoms. My mom and I got up super early so we could make it to Bedford before the doctor left that morning. Justin was out of town working again so he was unable to go. Once we arrived at the clinic, they took my vitals and did a sonogram to check everything out. My vitals were fine, but the sonogram did show that I had significant swelling of my ovaries (so much that they touch one another) and I have some fluid that is built up in my abdomen. No wonder I'm miserable! Dr. Kevin Doody decided that I probably have a mild to moderate case of OHSS but that it wasn't serious enough that we will have to cancel the embryo transfer (unless I get worse). They sent me home with the same instructions I had before: eat a high protein/ high sodium diet to get rid of the excess fluid. After the appointment, mom and I decided to make some use out of the trip by going shopping for new rugs for both of our houses. We also purchased lots of V8 juice for me because it has tons of sodium in it. After our shopping was completed, we headed back to Seymour. Later this evening I was still not feeling well, but I'm hoping I will be better by morning.

Day After Retrieval

June 22, 2012

So today I looked forward to waking up and hearing from the embryologist about how many of my eggs had fertilized yesterday. However, the way that I was feeling overshadowed any good news that could come. I woke up with a distended stomach (which I figured was normal considering I had surgery on my ovaries yesterday). What was NOT normal was the 6 pound weight gain that had occurred overnight. It's a cruel joke that I look about 5 months pregnant right now.

I waited for the embryologist to call before I called the clinic to report my symptoms. They called around 9:30 this morning and let me know that 22 out of the 27 eggs that were retrieved yesterday were actually mature. (Great news!) Then they proceeded to tell me that they performed ICSI (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection) on all 22 mature eggs. Out of those 22, 17 fertilized! (More great news!) Then the embryologist went on to explain that out of the 17, I will most likely have 8 or more embryos that make it to the blastocyst stage (Day 5) for transfer.That means we will be having to make a decision about what to do with all of those embryos since we are only transferring 2. We will most likely freeze all of them in case we need them at a later time. She also informed me that we will probably not hear back from them until we arrive on transfer day because not much will be going on between now and then. On the day of the transfer, they will give us the number that made it to Day 5 and their grades.

The embryologist then told me what to expect on the day of transfer. She told us that we need to be in Bedford (with a full bladder) by noon on Tuesday, June 26 (which happens to be mine and Justin's 2 year anniversary!). The full bladder is needed so they can see my uterus better on the sonogram. The embryo transfer is not a surgical procedure. I will take valium about 30 minutes prior to the procedure, and my doctor will inject the 2 embryos into my uterus via a catheter right there in the office. I will be expected to lay in the chair for about 20 minutes post transfer and then I will need to take it easy for the remainder of the day.

After the embryologist finished giving me all of this information, I then asked her to speak with a nurse about some symptoms that I am having post retrieval. She said she would get the message to a nurse and one would call me back shortly.

Sure enough, about 10 minutes later, a nurse called to speak with me about my symptoms. I told her I was sore (as expected), was urinating every single hour, that my abdomen was distended, and that I had gained 6 pounds. She didn't seem too concerned about OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) because I was able to use the bathroom so much. She told me to call if anything changed.

I decided to try to get a few more hours of sleep since I slept very little last night for having to get up to go to the bathroom so often. After I woke up, I weighed myself again and had lost 3 pounds. Weird. Then I decided to drink some gatorade and eat a lunch with high sodium (as these were my instructions for how to get rid of the excess water that my ovaries were retaining). A few hours after lunch I weighed again. Back up 2 pounds. What the heck? All the while, I've been going to the bathroom constantly so I figured I would lose more.

After talking with my mom, I decided it was best to call the clinic back and let them know what was going on. A nurse informed me that I probably have a mild case of OHSS and that if I'm not better by the morning that I need to be seen at the clinic bright and early. This terrifies me because if the OHSS gets too severe, the doctor may cancel our embryo transfer. I would be absolutely devastated. I know that the logical thing to do is to get well, but the emotional side of me wants to do this transfer no matter how I feel. I guess we will see how I feel in the morning.

I will be praying extra tonight for miraculous healing in my body overnight. I pray that all the fluid will leave my body and that I will have no symptoms of OHSS by morning. I pray the weight I have gained will come off and that we will be able to proceed with the transfer on Tuesday.

Inappropriate Condolences

As I promised in an earlier post, I am writing a blog post that describes some of the inappropriate "condolences" that many people say to couples struggling with infertility.

Don't get me wrong, I love that people are concerned and want to make me feel better about my situation, but there are some things that can be said with good intentions that really hurt more than help. A few of these quotes are as follows:

-"If you can't have a child of your own, you can always just adopt." I know people who say this particular thing are trying to get me to see an "upside" to my situation, but right now that's not where my heart is leading me. I want a child that has mine and my husband's features. I want to be able to look into my child's eyes and see us in them. I want to experience the blessing of carrying a child and giving birth. I want to have that bond with my child during breastfeeding. I want all the things that go along with pregnancy. It doesn't make me feel any better to hear I can always adopt. I know that's an option, but it's not something I want to do right now. I want to exhaust my options of having our own biological child first. I don't need someone to disregard my feelings by telling me I have adoption as an alternative.

-"If you would quit trying, it will happen." Really? I've been to several OB/GYNs and to a fertility specialist, and not one of them has told us that that was a treatment option. How do you "quit trying" anyway? Does that mean that you cease from having sex with your husband? How do you get pregnant when you aren't having sex? I always have to really bite my tongue when this stupid comment is made. I know they think that I'm not getting pregnant because I'm too stressed about it, but who wouldn't be when you've been trying for 2 years?

-"God just doesn't think it's the right time for you to have a baby." Since when do you hold all of God's thoughts and plans about my life? I don't believe that God would give me such a strong desire to be a mother if I wasn't supposed to be one. Sometimes things happen to us that are really hard to get through, but that doesn't mean that God wants that for you. Would you tell a cancer patient who wasn't responding to their treatment that it wasn't God's will for them to get better? This comment really angers me because the God that I serve doesn't want to see his children suffer. He knows how miserable I am while going through this struggle with infertility, and I believe He has given humans the knowledge, the authority, and the capability of bypassing some of these problems that are actually from Satan and intends for us to use that knowledge and authority. I believe it is His will for us to be doing these fertility treatments. I don't believe he has CAUSED my infertility, but I do believe he is going to use this struggle to better me and is using this opportunity to be glorified when we do conceive.

-"Are you sure you really want kids? You can have mine!" I know the person who makes this type of comment is trying to use humor to make me feel better about my situation, but it really hurts my feelings more than it helps. Yes I'm sure that I want kids. I've had plenty of time to think about this. I never said I want kids because it's going to be a walk in the park and everything is going to be perfect all the time. It makes me furious that they would take having children for granted and act like it's such a burden. I know that raising a child is going to have its ups and downs, but since I have gone through the pain of not having that blessing, I will appreciate every moment-the good and the bad.

These are just a few of the most common examples of inappropriate comments that I've experienced so far. I'm sure I will have more to post before it's all said and done, so I will update this post as needed.

Hopefully anyone who reads this blog can learn from my experiences so they do not unintentionally hurt another couple who is struggling with this same issue. The best way to be a friend to someone struggling with infertility is to just listen and have sympathy and empathize with them. You don't necessarily need to say something to make them "feel better". Nothing you say is going to take away their pain. Instead, just listen to them when they are down and let them know you are always a shoulder to cry on when they need you.

Day of Retrieval

June 21, 2012

This morning I awoke at 4:30 to shower and get ready for the egg retrieval. I didn't get much sleep last night for all the excitement and nervousness for today. We left Seymour around 5:30 and arrived in Bedford by 8:15.

When we arrived at the clinic, the nurses immediately took me back to prepare me for surgery. They took my vitals, asked tons of questions, and began my IV. Dr. Kevin Doody introduced himself to me since he was going to perform my surgery in place of Dr. Kathleen Doody. The anesthesiologist then introduced himself and explained the standard risks involved with anesthesia.

While I was under, Justin was required to give his sample. They tested the sample to make sure there was enough sperm and good sperm quality that they could work with.

Around 9:00 they took me back to the O.R. to perform the egg retrieval. They were done by 9:30, and I woke up very quickly while we were still in the O.R. Dr. Doody informed me that they probably got a surplus of 20 eggs and that the embryologist would talk to us shortly about the exact number. For those of you who don't know, that is a LOT of eggs! It is good for the embryologist because he has so many to work with and thus increases chances for fertilization and good embryo quality. However, it puts Justin and I in a dilemma as to what we should do with the left over embryos. I hate that part of IVF.

After I came to the recovery room, I had some pretty significant pain from the procedure. The nurses were great about getting pain medication to me to ease the pain. Within 30 minutes I felt a lot better and we were able to go to the consultation area in the clinic to meet with the embryologist.

The embryologist came and introduced himself to us, and he described how the next few days would go with our embryos. He said that they retrieved 27 eggs from my ovaries. He said about 70% would fertilize, and about 50% of those would likely go on to be good enough quality for us to transfer. That means we would most likely end up with around 6-8 eggs available for transfer. We have decided that we are going to only transfer the 2 best quality embryos. The embryologist will give them a grade on the 5th day of incubation.

Tomorrow the embryologist will call us to inform us how many of our eggs fertilized. On day 3, they will call again to inform us how their cell development is progressing. On day 5 (day of transfer) they will give us their grades and show us pictures of our developing embryos. I think that part is pretty cool. How many people get to say they saw their child as a cluster of cells before they were born?

Tonight I am required to continue taking my antibiotics and steroids until they run out. Starting tomorrow I will be taking Endometrin (progesterone) and Estradiol. These help maintain a pregnancy once we have one.

I absolutely cannot wait for the next few days!

HCG Results

June 20, 2012

This morning I went to the doctor's office to get my HCG lab work completed. Pending the lab work, Justin and I will be required to be in Bedford at 8:15 tomorrow morning for the retrieval. Yay! The lab work did come back great. They wanted my HCG to be over 60, and mine was 136.

After my appointment I drove back to Katie's and had lunch with her. I left her house around 1:00 this afternoon to drive back to Seymour so that Justin and I can drive back to Bedford together tomorrow morning for the retrieval. Justin is having to drive to Seymour tonight from Morton. He should be here around midnight.

On the drive back to Seymour, I had a slight meltdown in the car. I don't know if it's the hormones I've been taking or if I'm just really overwhelmed with everything right now, but I just felt the need to cry. I cried because I hate having to go through this. I cried because I miss Justin. I cried because I'm afraid of how I will handle myself if it doesn't work this time. I can't describe the emotional stress that I have right now. I have the possibility of having the greatest news I've ever had come to me in the next few weeks, but I also have to realize that it might not work this first time. How will I make it through that? Even if I do get pregnant, do I wait to tell everyone in case something goes wrong? I have so many mixed emotions right now.

Once I got home, I pulled myself together and made it to our small group for church. I decided to ask for prayer tonight even though I have been extremely private about our infertility thus far. I just need peace that transcends all understanding in the next few days. I don't want to be constantly thinking about, "Did it work? Am I pregnant? What happens if they tell me it didn't work?". I'm exhausted, and I am too praying for peace right now. I'm going to need a lot of that for the next few days!

Trigger Time

June 19, 2012

This morning I got up for yet another doctor's appointment in Bedford. At least this time I did not have to make a 3 hour drive there and a 3 hour drive back home. It was shortened to about 30-45 minutes instead. They did my lab work first then took me straight back to have another sonogram. Today one of my larger follicles was measuring in at around 18-19mm. The nurse informed me that I would be ready to trigger tonight pending my lab results.

They gave me instructions on how to give the trigger injection, what other medications I needed to begin with the trigger (a steroid and an antibiotic), what medications to discontinue (the Lupron, Bravelle, and Menopur), what to expect the day of retrieval, what medications to begin after retrieval (Endometrin and Estrace), and what to expect on the day of transfer. Yes, there is a LOT of information to keep up with on a daily basis. Sometimes it can be quite exhausting, but I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I went back to Katie's and kept myself occupied by cleaning her house and cooking supper for us. I decided it was the least I could do for her since she was providing me with a convenient place to stay during this process.

The doctor's office called this afternoon to inform me that my estradiol level had risen to an excess of 3900. I'm definitely ready for the trigger tonight, as they don't really like your estradiol level to exceed 4000 because you are at risk for developing a condition called OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome). It is a serious condition that can cause hospitalization or even death.

Even later this afternoon, Dr. Kathleen called me to tell me how sorry she was that she was not going to be able to do my egg retrieval and to assure me that I was in good hands because she had handed my case over to her husband. I really respected that she took the time to call me and talk to me and to encourage me about my upcoming treatments. This is one of the many reasons that I know I'm in the right place.

This evening I gave myself the full dose of Pregnyl (10,000 IU) to trigger ovulation. I also began taking  Prednisone and the antibiotic. I go back in tomorrow morning to have an HCG blood test to make sure the trigger worked. That means we will be having the retrieval on Thursday, June 21.

So excited!

Visiting with a Friend

June 18, 2012

Today I went back to Bedford with a suitcase, air mattress, and high hopes for the week. I had another E2 blood test today and a sonogram. The sonogram showed that my follicles were still increasing as they should. My largest one is about 17mm, and they said they can grow up to 2 mm a day. That means I will most likely trigger ovulation tomorrow. Also at this appointment, the nurse mixed my trigger medication (Pregnyl) so that it would be ready when we needed it.

After the appointment, I drove to Lake Dallas to stay with Katie. We decided to go eat lunch at McAlister's and to go see a movie. We watched "Rock of Ages", and it wasn't exactly what we were expecting. It was a musical, and it wasn't all that great. During the movie, the doctor's office called with my E2 results. My numbers had grown to the 1900s. They advised me to come back the following morning for more labs and another sonogram to see if I was ready for the trigger. I was also advised to take 10 units of Lupron, 2 vials of Menopur, and 1/2 a vial of Bravelle tonight.

After the movie, Katie and I decided to have supper at El Guapos in Denton. We visited and caught up with each others' lives and then got to bed at a decent hour since she had to work the next morning and I had another appointment.

Getting Closer!

Growing Numbers

June 16, 2012

I got up very early this morning to drive to Bedford for a 9:15 appointment. When I got there, they drew my blood for the E2 test. Then they put me in the sonogram room. I was expecting to see Dr. Doody today because I am getting closer to retrieval day. However, I was hit with some shocking news. Dr. Doody had been in an accident and cut her finger OFF. Yes, I said OFF! This means that she will obviously be unavailable for our egg retrieval and transfer because she cannot perform this surgery with her recently-sewn-on finger. Luckily this facility has other really great physicians (including Dr. Doody's husband) that can perform these procedures.

My sonogram looked great. I have tons of follicles and they are all growing. My largest one was measuring about 13 mm. I still have a little ways to go to reach the 18-20 mm mark. This afternoon they called me about my E2 results. Last time my E2 was 399, and today it was 1168! Wowzas! Remember, they really just need it to double. Mine went a little above and beyond. This is a good thing because it means my follicles are getting closer to the correct size.

They reduced my medication since I was responding so well. I now take 2 vials of Menopur, 1/2 a vial of Bravelle, and still 10 units of Lupron until my next appointment. I may be ready for the ovulation trigger on Monday or Tuesday, so I made arrangements to stay with one of my friends, Katie Gregg, since she lives closer to the clinic. I can't believe we are already so close to retrieval! I'm still in prayer that everything works out and that we will be expecting our first child very soon!

Follicle Production

June 14, 2012

This morning I drove to Bedford for an appointment that was scheduled for 11:00 AM. Man that drive is getting tough! They did my E2 blood test first, then they did my sonogram. The sonogram was done to measure my uterine lining (which was already 8.1 mm...YAY!). If you remember, this was one of the issues that was possibly causing our infertility. Anything above 8 mm is good. They also took a look at the development of the follicles in my ovaries. Both ovaries appeared to have lots of follicles, but my left one has the most. They found one follicle that already measured 10.08 mm, which is great at this point in the cycle! They want my leading follicle to end up measuring between 18-20 mm before retrieval. They told me everything was progressing exactly as it should. Later this afternoon, they called with my estradiol results. Mine was at 399...perfect. They are wanting my levels to double each time I go back, and last time I was at 135. I continue with 10 units of Lupron, 2 vials of Menopur, and 1 vial of Bravelle until my next appointment. I am so ready to get this show on the road!

Good Results

June 12, 2012

I drove to Bedford this morning by myself to get my E2 (estradiol) blood test. It really sucks to have to drive 3 hours for a test that takes 2 minutes to perform, but there is not a lab any closer to us that can do this type of testing. A nurse called me this afternoon with the results. They wanted my E2 to be around 100 today, and mine was 135. I continue with 10 units of Lupron, 2 vials of Menopur, and 1 vial of Bravelle until my next appointment. Everything is looking good so far. In one week, hopefully we will be doing the egg retrieval!

In It for the Long Haul

June 10, 2012

Today Justin, Jeremy, Worm, Chumley, and I hauled equipment all the way to Morton, Texas. Morton is about 4 hours away from Seymour, and it is where Justin and Jeremy will be working for the next few months. I rode with Justin on the truck today so we could spend some time together before he leaves. This is where he will be working when we will need him to come back to Bedford for the egg retrieval and his "sample". This will be quite a challenge to get everything timed correctly. I hate that it has to be so scientific. Why can't we have a baby like everyone else does? Regardless of the path we are having to take, I am so ready for the beautiful outcome. I can't wait to meet our son or daughter for the first time. All of this planning will soon be worth it. I took my injectibles again this evening (Lupron, Bravelle, and Menopur). They are giving me some really rough headaches, but I am fortunate that that is the only side effect that I'm currently experiencing. I can do this for just a few more days!

The Importance of Family

June 9, 2012

Today I gave myself the two new injectibles (Menopur and Bravelle) for the first time. I went to Wichita Falls with Kayla this afternoon to eat supper and watch a movie. I had to take my medication with me on the trip and inject myself in my car since they must be taken at the same time everyday. Kayla has been one of my strongest supporters throughout this whole process. She encourages me when I'm down, and I can always count on her to be in constant prayer for us as we go through this journey. I don't know what I would do without my family in all of this. They are the only ones that I have trusted to share my raw emotions with. I thank God that he gave me such a loving, caring family to get me through the bad days.

First Sonogram/Lab Results

June 8, 2012

This morning I had an appointment with Dr. Doody at 10:00. I came by myself today because I was just having a sonogram, lab work, and getting more directions on medications. The sonogram looked great. They checked my ovaries to make sure no cysts had developed while on Lupron. My lab work was perfect as well. They checked my estradiol (E2) level. It was supposed to be under 75, and mine was 33! I'm ready to move on with the next step.

I met with a nurse who showed me how to mix Menopur and Bravelle into one syringe. That will prevent me from having to take several shots at once. I continue taking Lupron and will be adding Menopur and Bravelle tomorrow. I'm praying that I respond exactly how I am supposed to!

No More BC

June 5, 2012

Today I got to discontinue my birth control pills and continue taking the 20 units of Lupron. I have always felt that it was strange to be taking birth control when I'm TRYING to get pregnant, so I'm happy about not having to take it any longer. The birth control just allowed Dr. Doody to start my IVF at any time rather than having to wait for a certain day in my cycle. It gave her better control over my hormone levels. I'm one step closer!

First Injection

May 31, 2012

Today I began taking Lupron injections. Mom came over for my first injection to make sure I was doing it correctly. I take 20 units once daily, and I must take the injections at the same time everyday. I try to take it between 7:00 and 7:30 PM each day. Giving myself a shot was not as bad as I had anticipated. I think it will also get easier to give each time.

It's Finally Here!!!

May 29, 2012

I thought this day would never come! My mother and I left early this morning to go to Bedford for my first IVF appointment. Justin was working, so my mom took off work so I wouldn't have to go alone. Dr. Doody did a sonogram and measured my uterus so they would know exactly where to place the embryo on the day of transfer. It was important to get this measurement because the fertility drugs would enlarge my ovaries so much that my uterus might be difficult to see on the day of transfer. They also taught me how to inject myself with Lupron at this appointment. I start out doing 20 units a day. They set up my calendar and showed me the possible egg retrieval, embryo transfer, and pregnancy test dates. I left the appointment feeling very anxious and excited about finally starting this journey!

More Decisions

After learning about ASA and how our only option to have a biological child pointed toward IVF, Justin and I began to fret about the financial aspect of this procedure. Just one cycle would be at least $10,500.

I started researching our clinic's website and came across two programs that they offer for couples going through IVF to help with finances. Basically, I would be required to undergo a surgery and several more blood tests to qualify for the program. The surgery was just a diagnostic hysteroscopy that  checked for polyps and endometriosis. Justin would have to produce a few more "samples" and blood for a few more tests as well. After reviewing the results of these tests, the clinic would place us into a tier based on our probability of conceiving.

The first program offered you up to 12 months of continued IVF cycles for one price (instead of paying for each cycle individually).
-Tier I: $15,000
-Tier II: $20,000
-Tier III: $25,000
The only thing the program does not cover is the medications (which are EXPENSIVE). However, remember that just ONE cycle costs $8500 without medication. This program is offering numerous cycles for the price of what 2-3 cycles would normally cost you. It sounded like an appealing offer.

The second program is a refund program. It offers you 6 IVF cycles for one price AND they refund your money if you do not have a live birth. This program GUARANTEES us something. I loved the idea of that.
-Tier I: $22,500 and 100% refund without a live birth
-Tier II: $30,000 and 70% refund without a live birth
No Offer for Tier III.
This particular offer sounded the most logical for us. We knew we were going to be spending a lot of money regardless of what choice we made, but this option guaranteed us something in return. If they couldn't deliver, we get our money back.

Following all of our testing and my surgery, they concluded that we should be placed in Tier II, mostly because one of my sonograms also showed a thin endometrial lining. This means we have factors affecting our fertility on both sides. Thin endometrial lining doesn't allow an embryo to be nourished, and therefore leads to poor implantation rates and miscarriage. I was pretty devastated, but Dr. Doody assured me that we still have a really great chance of success with IVF and that both of our problems are relatively simple to get around.

After all of the ups and downs we have had so far, we decided on proceeding with the refund program in the summer. We chose to wait until the summer because I would be off work and it would allow me to get to my appointments without a lot of hassle. I have never been more ready for summer in all my life!

New Direction

After our first appointment yielded no real cause for our infertility, Dr. Doody suggested some more labs. This time they were going to do further testing on Justin. In case you might not know a lot about infertility, many physicians start out trying to find a problem with the female. I don't know why this is the case because male factor infertility is just as prevalent as female infertility. I can't help but wonder if it has anything to do with the lasting effects of sexism from centuries ago when women were expected to produce a male heir for their husbands. Anyway, I was glad to see that we were doing some more investigating.

One of the tests that they performed on Justin was a test for ASA (antisperm antibodies). We had never heard of this test before, and we honestly expected to run into another dead end. However, he tested positive for this. Basically, this means that his body produces an immune response to his own sperm that damage or kill them. This makes it impossible for the sperm to ever reach my eggs because his body attacks them like they are a disease that he is having to fight off. It is actually a very rare condition that is usually seen in patients with vasectomy reversals.

Upon this discovery, our restlessness about which procedure to go forward with was put at ease. With the condition that Justin has, it would be useless to try IUI. With IUI, they are just injecting the sperm directly into your uterus so that it doesn't have to travel so far. This would not work with ASA. That leaves us with only one option...IVF.

With IVF, there is another procedure that this facility can do in addition to the IVF procedure. It is called ICSI (Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection). With ICSI, the embryologist can actually pick out the "healthy-looking" sperm from underneath a microscope and manually inject them into my eggs so that the sperm has to do absolutely no work. It completely bypasses the issue that we have with ASA. We were so relieved to finally find a missing piece to the puzzle.

The First Appointment

Our first appointment with Dr. Kathleen Doody was in January of 2012. It was basically just a consultation where she was gathering as much information and history as she could from Justin and I. I had sent all of our medical records to their facility before our first appointment so that she could review our case prior to the appointment.

After discussing all of this information, she concluded that I most likely had a form of PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). PCOS is a condition that females can develop which can include an imbalance in sex hormones, cysts on the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and numerous other symptoms. She was not 100% sure if this was what I had, but she concluded that I had some mild form of this condition that was preventing me from ovulating correctly. She suggested that we have some more lab work just to rule out any other possibilities.

 After we had the lab work completed, she discussed our treatment options with us. One of our options was to resort back to IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). She said that she might try more aggressive medications than what my previous doctor had used to make it more effective. The chances for a successful IUI is about 10-15% per cycle. It would most likely take numerous cycles to be successful, which also means more time away from work. The cost of each cycle would be around $3000 when you include the medications I would be using. I must admit, I was very unhappy about the success rates, the time involved, and the cost of this particular option.

The next treatment option we discussed was a procedure called IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). With IVF, the female takes fertility drug injections for several weeks. She must be monitored this whole time by doing lab work and sonograms to check on the progress throughout the cycle. This would also require a significant amount of time away from work. After she completes the medications, she must undergo an egg retrieval. This is a surgery in which the physician inserts a catheter to extract eggs from the follicles of her ovaries. On the same day as the retrieval, the husband must produce a sample for which to fertilize the eggs. The lab puts the two together and basically "incubates" them for up to 5 days. Only the strongest embryos survive, and at the end of the 5 days the couple may choose how many embryos to transfer (in our case the max is 2 because of my age and condition). They then transfer that number of embryos back to the female's uterus in hopes that one or both will implant. The success rate in our case is about 50-60% per cycle. Each cycle costs about $8500 plus the cost of medication which can run an additional $2000. That means we are looking at $10,500 for one cycle of IVF.

After our appointment was over, the clinic called us on the way back home to let us know that Justin's lab work was normal and so was mine. I was still baffled at why we had these issues if everything appeared to be normal.

After being bombarded with all of this information, understandably I was an emotional wreck. I had a complete meltdown on the way home from the clinic. I even got upset with Justin on the way back because he couldn't make up his mind about what we should do. I had gone into the appointment with unrealistic expectations that we would have all the answers to our questions that day. I had made up my mind that I wanted to proceed with IVF because it had such a high success rate. I couldn't stand the thought of having to go through any more waiting. I wanted instant results. Justin is just the opposite. He is a thinker. He wanted time to weigh the options and make the most responsible decision possible. I  have to respect that he really balances me out when I become too emotionally involved in a situation. He has a way of bringing me back to reality.

Many hours of discussion, crying, prayer, and sleepless nights followed. We finally came to peace about moving forward with IVF. We were prepared to do at least one cycle.

A Little Back Story

My husband Justin and I were married on June 26, 2010. Before we had even become married he and I had discussed that we both wanted children in the near future, so we saw no reason in wasting time after we tied the knot. We never officially started "trying" to have a baby, but we certainly never practiced any prevention.

After several months of "trying-but-not-trying", I started to get a little anxious and restless when I had not yet become pregnant. Month after month I was disappointed that we were not expecting. After about 6 months, I began discussing the possibility of going to see a doctor regarding our inability to conceive with Justin. I had a very strong suspicion that something just wasn't right. Justin was not very open to the idea of seeking medical attention at this time and encouraged me to stop worrying and that we would continue trying for a little while longer "the old fashioned way".

 I became more and more frustrated as time went on and became angry, sad, depressed, and disappointed that so many people around me were getting pregnant so easily and I was still without a child. I began pressing Justin to go see a doctor about what was going on, and he agreed that we should seek help after about a year had passed. I quickly scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN in Wichita Falls. He agreed that it was a problem that we had not conceived in a year's time-which is the definition of infertility for my age group (less than 35 years old). My suspicions were confirmed. I was devastated but also hopeful that he could lead us in the direction we needed to go.

This particular physician suggested that we have some blood work done on both Justin and myself. They tested my hormone levels and did a procedure called an HSG (hysterosalpingogram). An HSG is a procedure where the doctor injects dye through a catheter into your fallopian tubes to make sure there is no blockage. My blood work came back normal and so did my HSG. Justin also had lab work and a semen analysis performed which all came back normal. My doctor concluded that I must have a problem with ovulation and suggested that we begin a process called IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) with a drug called Clomid. Basically I would take Clomid to stimulate ovulation, Justin would provide a "specimen", and they would inject that specimen back into my uterus via a catheter when I got a positive ovulation test. We agreed to try the procedure the following month (May 2011).

To make a long story short, this physician we were using did not have what I would consider to be a proper facility to be doing this procedure in the first place because they did not even have a room for which a "specimen" could be produced for people who were driving from out of town. For those of you who know nothing about semen, (as I did not either until this whole process began) it must remain at body temperature or else the little guys die. In other words, if you are traveling to a doctor's office from out of town, the sample must be produced in the doctor's office, RIGHT!?!? I ended up calling that clinic's administrator after a nurse so kindly suggested that we produce the sample in a parking lot. Yes, you heard correctly. She asked us to produce a sample IN THE PARKING LOT. All that ran through my mind at that moment was, "Seriously! Is that even legal? Do you understand how incredibly inappropriate that is!?".  (Later I will be writing a blog that discusses other inappropriate comments that people tend to make to couples that are struggling with infertility, but on now with the back story.) Needless to say, our money was completely refunded, which was wise on their part. I was so offended by the comment that I contemplated turning them in. I could go on and on about how insensitive and unprofessional this particular physician and his staff were, but I will continue on to prevent myself from getting angry all over again.

I ended up getting a new OB/GYN shortly after this incident occurred because my old one was no longer credible. I chose Dr. Horth at the Women's Clinic. After evaluating my records, she immediately told me that my case was outside her area of expertise and referred us to a reproductive endocrinologist (a fertility specialist). I was so relieved that she was so honest with me about not knowing what was wrong with us. I respected that she referred me to a doctor that had extra study with infertility and was sending me to them rather than wasting our time and money.

 She suggested several physicians in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, and I ended up choosing Dr. Kathleen Doody in Bedford, Texas. It is a husband/wife team at a center called CARE Fertility. The Doody's happened to be the specialists that my brother had to see when going through his battle with testicular cancer, so we felt very comfortable with the professionalism of this particular fertility center. We set up our first appointment for January 2012. Finally we were on the road to finding some answers to all of our unanswered questions.