HCG Results

June 20, 2012

This morning I went to the doctor's office to get my HCG lab work completed. Pending the lab work, Justin and I will be required to be in Bedford at 8:15 tomorrow morning for the retrieval. Yay! The lab work did come back great. They wanted my HCG to be over 60, and mine was 136.

After my appointment I drove back to Katie's and had lunch with her. I left her house around 1:00 this afternoon to drive back to Seymour so that Justin and I can drive back to Bedford together tomorrow morning for the retrieval. Justin is having to drive to Seymour tonight from Morton. He should be here around midnight.

On the drive back to Seymour, I had a slight meltdown in the car. I don't know if it's the hormones I've been taking or if I'm just really overwhelmed with everything right now, but I just felt the need to cry. I cried because I hate having to go through this. I cried because I miss Justin. I cried because I'm afraid of how I will handle myself if it doesn't work this time. I can't describe the emotional stress that I have right now. I have the possibility of having the greatest news I've ever had come to me in the next few weeks, but I also have to realize that it might not work this first time. How will I make it through that? Even if I do get pregnant, do I wait to tell everyone in case something goes wrong? I have so many mixed emotions right now.

Once I got home, I pulled myself together and made it to our small group for church. I decided to ask for prayer tonight even though I have been extremely private about our infertility thus far. I just need peace that transcends all understanding in the next few days. I don't want to be constantly thinking about, "Did it work? Am I pregnant? What happens if they tell me it didn't work?". I'm exhausted, and I am too praying for peace right now. I'm going to need a lot of that for the next few days!